


Politeness

by Sapphicsarah



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8359606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphicsarah/pseuds/Sapphicsarah
Summary: Serena had intended on ignoring the newly returned Bernie. Instead, she decides to be polite.





	1. Politeness

When Bernie finally does return, Serena’s anger has faded from a white hot rage to a dull ache in her chest. Yes, she is angry. But the sight of slightly-changed hair and those sorrowful brown eyes has her swiftly changing tactics. She had planned on ignoring Bernie, filling their shared shifts with intense silences. Serena had often daydreamed of Bernie’s guilt and how sorry she would make her feel for ever leaving her and the trauma unit. How above it all Serena would seem compared to their last public and rather humiliating encounter. 

Complete and utter indifference was the name of the game. 

That all changed when the one hitch in the plan cruelly revealed itself. For as Bernie entered the ward and instantly made eye contact with Serena standing at the nurse’s station, Serena remembered she loved Bernie. 

Of course she had not forgotten she loved Bernie. But she had forgotten the effect the other woman had on her. How a single look could elate her, soothe her. A quiet word of encouragement during a trauma case could fill her with confidence. A lopsided grin could make her fall in love all over again. Good lord, how she loved her. 

And so, every intention of ignoring Bernie flew out the window with a single look across a crowded room. How ridiculously cliché. 

“Hello” Serena practically shouts with a nervous smile plastered onto her face. 

Bernie, who had continued her journey into the ward, stops immediately at the sound of Serena’s voice. Her mouth opens slightly and she instantly begins to wring her hands, aware of the many pairs of eyes on her and her co-lead. 

“Hi” Bernie murmurs, rather pathetically. 

They stand for a moment simply looking at each other. In that instant, Serena is violently reminded of all the reasons she had ever put up with the Big Macho Army Medic in the first place; the soft curls framing her face, her quietness, the way she says Serena’s name, and her wonderfully absurd laugh. She drinks in the sight of Bernie in her white coat and black trousers, snowflakes from the first snowfall clinging to the newly dyed mop of hair. 

However, Bernie quickly crumbles under the intensity of the moment. Tearing her eyes away from Serena, she begins to move towards Serena’s –no, their, office. Once Bernie is safely tucked away in the confines of their office, Serena breathes out a breath she was unaware she was holding and returns to work. 

After that quite anticlimactic reunion, a pattern emerges. Instead of indifference and death glares as Serena had intended, their days together on the ward are filled with polite niceties. They say “Hello” in the morning, work silently together in theatre, and when conversation is necessary, steer clear of any topics beyond the realm of medicine. A bizarre schedule manifests, with Serena utilizing the office in the morning, and Bernie in the early evening. They do not communicate on the rare occurrences when they are both simultaneously in the office. The office door stays firmly open, and they are never, ever alone. 

It is a strange dance, at once familiar and completely foreign to their original dynamic. When Bernie goes for coffee, an additional coffee appears on Serena’s desk. When Serena completes her paperwork for the day, Bernie finds a post-it note on her computer, a gentle and necessary reminder to complete her own administrative responsibilities. When either one or the other has a particularly busy shift, snacks from Pulses materialize on desks. The snack is never a chocolate croissant. 

In the early evening of a particularly hectic shift, Bernie staggers into the office. Knowing that it is her unofficial time slot in the shared space, she collapses into her chair intending to work quickly through the paperwork of the day. As she logs on to her computer, a red container on the side of the desk catches her eye. 

On the container, a post-it note says “Eat me! I’m melting.” Quickly reaching over and removing the note, Bernie reveals the container to be a small serving of raspberry ripple.

She devours it in minutes. 

All in all, life continues on AAU. The ward is a well-oiled machine, even if the co-leads are not friends any more. Because that is what it has come to. Miss Campbell and Miss Wolfe are never seen together outside of the hospital and they are silent in theatre. Gone is the easy sparring and casual flirtation over exposed bowel. Gone are the shared bottles of Shiraz in Albie’s. Gone is the friendship between the two surgeons. In its place is what Serena proudly calls in her head, “politeness”. 

And though it could be construed as “good old British reserve”, this politeness serves as a means to an end for Serena. Acting politely and as if nothing ever even remotely romantic happened between them means Bernie will stay. Bernie will not feel guilty and therefore, Bernie will not bolt again. 

It means that Bernie’s perfume will linger in the office as Serena collects her coat to leave at the end of the shift. Bernie’s eyes will follow Serena as she moves and makes her way across the ward. Bernie’s hands will be next to hers as they work to save a life. And sometimes their gloved and blood-stained fingers will brush each other for the shortest and most magical of moments. 

But all of it falls apart one sunny afternoon due to efficiency, of all things. For AAU and theatre have been working like clockwork and the patient is sorted and ready for transport up to the ICU before Bernie and Serena have even removed their gloves. 

They are peeling off their surgical gowns and washing their hands in tandem silence before Serena even notices that they are utterly and completely alone. And for the first time since Bernie’s ignominious return from the Ukraine, Serena feels at peace. 

It is intoxicating to be so near Bernie as they work side by side and neither of them moves once their hands are clean. Serena cannot bring herself to look at Bernie, instead staring out into theatre as Bernie slowly turns until she is completely facing Serena. The stillness between them settles and Serena closes her eyes as she feels Bernie study the side of her face. A warm feeling spreads from her chest down to her toes and she takes in a deep breath under Bernie’s gaze. She loves it when Bernie looks at her. When she breaths out, Bernie inhales as if to say something. 

And it terrifies her. Alarm bells sound in her head as Serena internally screams Get out!

So Serena rapidly spins and makes her way out of the scrub alcove and onto the ward, where the clamorous noise of a busy shift washes over her. It is overwhelmingly loud compared to the heady quietness of theatre and she feels suddenly faint. Not stopping, she swiftly walks out the double doors and through the corridor, exiting to the hidden outside stairwell. There are only a few minutes left to her shift anyway. 

The heavy door slams behind her and Serena desperately inhales and exhales as the crisp November air greets her. She had forgotten how cold it was and wraps her arms around herself as she sits down on the steps. Turning her face towards the sun, she closes her eyes and reminds herself why she cannot ever be alone with Bernie. Eventually one of them will say something. And they had become ever so excellent at saying nothing of consequence at all to each other. They had found the perfect balance of professionalism and small, unacknowledged acts of kindness. With the understanding they were to be polite and nothing more. 

Bernie had been about to break that unspoken rule, she was sure of it. Serena shudders at the thought of losing Bernie, recalling her own hopeless existence while the trauma surgeon had been in Ukraine. Those months had taken years off of Serena’s life, and she will do anything to keep Bernie here, even if it means never actually being close to her again. Although they are physically near, the emotional distance between the two surgeons could span from Holby to Kyiv and back. 

Drinking in the rare November sun, Serena’s mind wanders back to the procedure she and Bernie had just completed. A tricky arterial repair had gone rather splendidly and Serena smiles to herself wondering at her own luck. Her true partner and equal in theatre turns out to be the one person in the world she loves most. She laughs and shivers as a gust of wind sweeps around her. 

The noisy scrape of the door opening rudely interrupts Serena’s precious solitude and she straightens up, but does not bother opening her eyes. She knows it is Bernie. 

Listening to her footsteps as the Major advances, Serena feels at once eager and bitter at the intrusion. How dare she follow her! Thank god she did. 

Bernie comes to a stop and looks at the other woman and feels an intense ache at the thought that Serena would rather sit alone in the cold than spend one moment alone with her. Without preamble she flatly asks “How long are we going to do this?”

“Do what?” Serena murmurs after a moment, not opening her eyes. 

“Continue with this absurd professional curtesy” Bernie sputters. “This, this-“

“Politeness?” Serena interrupts coolly. 

“Yes!” Bernie barks. “I can’t stand it Serena. Please, just talk to me. Yell at me shout at me. Just say something!” Bernie sobs, unable to control her emotions on the last word and covers her mouth as she watches Serena. She looks beautiful and regal with her head turned upwards towards the heavens. 

Bernie cannot bear to tear her eyes away from her. She loves looking at Serena. 

After a long pause Serena whispers “Until I stop loving you”. 

“What?” Bernie falters. 

Serena takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, for the first time since Bernie walked through the door. Looking directly at Bernie she repeats “Until I stop loving you. That is how long we will do this. How long we will be polite to one another.” 

And suddenly Bernie sees the raw hurt and the unspeakable pain in Serena’s eyes as a single tear makes its way down that perfect cheek. Bernie had made Serena feel that. She feels ridiculous standing here in front of Serena, demanding things of her. Shame sweeps through her and she feels utterly foolish for following Serena outside and invading her space. 

“Oh”, she croaks, and looks down at her shoes as she shoves her hands into her scrub pockets. 

“Yes. Oh.” Serena parrots back. 

She watches Bernie and feels no joy at the guilt riddled in the other’s body language. The expected triumphant feeling of being in the right never comes and instead she just feels exhausted. Sighing and wiping the tear away, she slowly stands to walk over to Bernie. 

When she is no more than a meter away she stops and says softly “I can’t bring myself to yell and shout at you Bernie. I’m still bloody furious with you for leaving. But you came back.” She smiles as Bernie looks up. New tears fill Serena’s eyes and she lets them fall, knowing she will probably cry a great deal tonight when she is alone in the dark of her bedroom. 

“And I am trying desperately not to scare you away again”, she finishes with a whisper. 

Bernie inhales sharply and whispers back “I’m not going anywhere Serena. I came back because I love you. I love you.” She steps forward and puts her arms around Serena’s waist, gathering her in and pulling her close. 

Serena buries her nose into the crook of Bernie’s neck and smiles, nuzzling the warm skin there. Being in Bernie’s arms and the sudden change between them is enthralling, comforting and utterly wonderful and Serena clings to her as they warm each other against the chill. All the time and distance rushes by her and Serena feels joy bursting out of every pore. Bernie loves her. 

“You’re shivering” Bernie mumbles into Serena’s hair, and she kisses the crown of her head running her hands up and down Serena’s back. 

“Hmm” Serena hums, feeling all too overwhelmed and cozy to say much of anything. 

“Let me come over tonight?” Bernie asks softly. “I have a lot to say to you. And none of it is very professional or polite I’m afraid”, smiling as she nuzzles Serena’s ear. “It will mostly be along the lines of begging for forgiveness and declarations of love”. 

“Begging you say?” Serena dirtily whispers and grins even more as Bernie nips her ear in response. 

“Yes, begging if you should so desire Miss Campbell” as she soothes the ear with a soft lick of her tongue rendering Serena mute for a hot moment. 

Serena slowly pulls away from Bernie and looks into her eyes “Take me home Bernie”. 

Bernie smiles and takes Serena’s hand as she leads them to the door. Just as she is about to open it and return to AAU she turns and looks seriously back at Serena. 

“This means no more faux civility, no more politeness. Right?” she asks hopefully. 

“No, darling, no more politeness.” Serena promises. 

Armed with a smile and Serena’s hand in hers, Bernie walks through the door and enters a brave new world. 

 

 


	2. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all the politeness, Serena and Bernie are happy.

Bernie was never any good at gift giving. Figuring out what she wanted was hard enough, let alone other people. But when Christmas did finally roll around she knew exactly what to give Serena; a holiday. Serena had been stressed of late, and Bernie was sure everyone in the entire hospital knew about it. Her mood had been terribly foul and the two of them had barely seen each other in weeks, with their shifts not coinciding and being too exhausted to do anything besides crawl into bed at the end of the day. Bernie remembered the effect her last gift had had on Serena, and was looking forward to spending time with her. 

And so Bernie set about bribing Hanssen, Ric, and others in order to ensure the two co-leads of AAU would not be disturbed or required for a whole weekend. For Bernie was taking Serena to the sea. Although she had intended on keeping the whole scheme a secret, Jason let the cat out of the bag on a rare morning when Bernie and Serena were both on the ward. Jason walked into the office and asked Bernie about what he should pack, with Serena sitting across from her at her desk. However, any frustration she had with Jason quickly evaporated when Bernie saw the happiness that suddenly graced Serena’s face. 

“You’re taking me away, are you?” She teased Bernie from behind her desk. 

“Yes, to Brighton actually” Bernie said, as a grin grew to match Serena’s. 

“That’s very romantic you know Major”, Serena murmured as the two gazed at each other. 

“Well, that was the idea Miss Campbell”, Bernie quietly replied. 

Serena practically floats through the rest of the shift, a soft smile on her lips. Frankly, it frightens the majority of the staff, who had been walking on eggshells for the last few weeks. Raf even finds a quiet moment to take Bernie aside and thank her, whatever she had done to make the change happen in Serena. Bernie flushes furiously for the rest of the day. 

They spend Friday afternoon driving down to Brighton and check into their hotel. Cameron and Jason share one room and Bernie and Serena another. The rooms are firmly on separate floors. The four of them spend the evening together and head out to a pub for fish and chips. 

Saturday is effortlessly lazy, with mindless shopping as Serena continuously turns to Bernie and proclaims “Love a bargain”, with a giddy gleam in her eye. When it is time for dinner, the group separates. Jason and Cameron head off for what Bernie is sure to be a rowdy night in the local haunts. Apparently Cameron found a place that has quiz games, and Jason nearly bonces in excitement. Serena and Bernie head for a small Italian restaurant and spend the meal gazing at one another over candlelight. 

Full up on pasta and heavenly garlic bread, the two surgeons walk towards the sea side. Bernie takes Serena’s hands and leads her towards the water as they carefully step over the stones. Turning to Serena with a grin, she pulls a blanket out of her large bag with a flourish before placing it on the ground. 

Serena looks at her skeptically and says “You expect me to sit down in this cold?”

“It’s romantic!” Bernie protests, and turns once more to her bag. “And… I have this!” she proclaims proudly, as she pulls out a large bottle of Shiraz. 

“You have a point” Serena confesses with a smile, and she settles down on the blanket besides Bernie. They open the bottle and pass it back and forth, feeling like teenagers once more, necking wine on the beach. When Serena shivers, Bernie pulls her closer and they watch the sunset over the waters. 

They talk about everything and nothing, Bernie periodically turning to kiss Serena on the temple, or to take her hand in her lap, stroking the knuckles with her thumb. As the sun descends, the sky turns a dazzling pink, and the world becomes a luminous canvas of oranges and reds. The stars begin to arrive one by one as the light fades, and they stay warm with each other pressed together and the wine in their bellies. 

The water sparkles with gold stars, distant and cold, and Bernie wonders at how far the light must have traveled to reach them. She thinks about her own meandering journey to this place and once more realizes it was all worth it; the messy divorce, the affair with Alex, the stumbling transition to civilian life. It was all worth it in the end. Because Serena is here, pressed up against her side and speaking softly into her ear.

With the reflections, the sea has filled with starlight so that there is no end between sky and sky, nothing but the pair of them in the darkness. Bernie had read somewhere once in a long-forgotten book that this is happiness; to be swallowed whole in something complete and great. Here, with muted city lights behind them and the vastness before, Bernie feels wholly enveloped. And she is happy. 

When they are thoroughly chilled to the bone, they rise and make their way back to the hotel. Hand in hand, they wander through the cobblestone streets lit by the shop windows and street lamps. Meandering through The Lanes, Serena begins to hum the elusive tune she always hums whenever she cooks. Listening to the melody, Bernie falls in love all over again. 

They stop and marvel at the tiny villages in the display windows, and watch as miniature ice skaters weave around on tracks in the small ice pond. Suddenly and all at once, it begins to snow. Soft flakes grace Serena’s head and Bernie pulls her close to kiss her gently. Serena is still hesitant about showing affection in public, but she gladly kisses back and wraps her arms around Bernie’s waist. They are entirely alone in the deserted streets. 

Pulling back from the embrace, Serena says “Happy Christmas Bernie”. 

“Happy Christmas, Serena”, Bernie replies, as she kisses Serena’s snowy forehead. 

Afterwards, when they have made love in the gentle light of their hotel room, Serena places her head on Bernie’s shoulder. She kisses Bernie’s collarbone and whispers over and over “You make me so happy.” Bernie, at a loss for words, simply clings to Serena and feels her drift to sleep. She turns to watch the snowflakes dancing through the window and feels how still the night is. For once, she decides to not let the happiness frighten her and falls asleep with a smile on her face.


	3. Frankness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a fundraiser, Bernie gets the courage to be frank about her and Serena.

They had in fact, arrived at the function together for this evening of tuxedoes and evening gowns. However, no casual observer would know this. Upon arrival to the posh and altogether too overdone shindig, Bernie and Serena had peeled off and gone their separate ways. Serena, who was rather adept at these things, was flirting her way through the big-shot donors and was probably making the trauma unit quite the penny. Bernie, on the other hand, was sulking. Wine in one hand and a napkin filled with heure d'oeuvres in the other, she downed her second glass and continued to look as miserable as possible.

 

They were firmly a couple now, Bernie and Serena. Over the last few weeks they had slowly revealed the change between them to their little family on AAU. Raf had known before Bernie reappeared, what with Serena informing him over Shiraz in the office after hours. Ric also knew, even before Bernie had sounded the retreat and fled to Ukraine. They both had been rather kind and supportive about the two of them. In fact, childish rhymes and snickers aside, the transition to “girlfriends” had gone rather smoothly. At least it had for Bernie.

 

Serena, on the other hand, had suffered immensely, and all alone. Bernie still felt entirely guilty and ashamed about how and why she left, and had a great deal more to go to make up for it. No little weekend holiday to Brighton could erase the weeks of loneliness and desperation Serena must have felt. Bernie knows Serena has been overly kind to her in the wake of coming together, but no matter what Serena says, Bernie is sure their time apart was infinitely more difficult for the other woman.

 

And yet, Bernie could not help feeling that she was still making life difficult for Serena. For although they had been open and frank to those who were important to them, to anyone else they were nothing but friends. Serena, who was never one to do anything halfway, had become slightly frustrated with Bernie’s hesitation to openly acknowledge their new status. And it was quickly becoming an issue. Their one and only row had been had in the taxi on the way to this very fundraiser.  Bernie, in response to the event’s invitation had not selected Serena as her plus one. They were arriving together, but dining separately, having been placed at different tables as a result. And Serena was furious.

_She looks lovely though_ , Bernie observes, gazing across the room at Serena. She is wearing one of her formal dresses, the black one with the plunging neckline. Bernie watches as Serena throws her head back and laughs at something one of the men near her said. The action nicely shows off Serena’s graceful neck.  Bernie could write sonnets about Serena’s neck…

 

Angered at her own line of thinking, Bernie continues to be miserable and shoves some fancy French food into her mouth. She will probably get nowhere near Serena and her perfect neck tonight. Not with the stunt she pulled.  Bernie wonders once more at her own bloody cowardice. Some Macho Army Medic she is. A lifetime of compulsive heterosexuality and hiding is hard to unlearn, but surely she could overcome if for Serena? The woman had made her happier than she had ever been, but Bernie seemed to only ever give her grief.

 

Thoroughly engulfed in her own moroseness, Bernie does not notice Ric sidling up next to her at the cocktail table.

 

“Trouble in paradise?” Ric asks with a smile, as Bernie starts.

 

Turning her head towards the other surgeon, Bernie narrows her eyes at his perceptiveness before nodding. She looks down into her wine glass and mutters “I fucked up.”

 

“Really?” Ric asks facetiously, “I couldn’t tell” as he glances over at Serena, who is now surrounded by a flock of admirers. “What did you do?” he asks gently.

 

“I…” Bernie takes a breath and pauses. “I didn’t put her as my plus one” she says quickly and looks up at Ric, gaging his reaction. “So we’re not sitting together at dinner”, she finishes quickly, before looking down once more.

 

“Ah” Ric says, turning from Bernie to look across the room.

 

“Yeah” Bernie says lamely, taking a large swig of wine.

 

After a few moments of companionable silence, Ric murmurs “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

 

Bernie furrows her brow and looks at Ric questioningly. He smiles and continues, “If five marriages taught me nothing, it’s that forgiveness is best sought though action, and not with words”.

 

“Hmm” Bernie hums in agreement. Deep in thought, she once more gazes across the room.

 

In that moment, Serena is laughing once more, as she glances back towards Bernie. Their eyes meet, and Bernie’s breath catches. Serena is positively shining.  The world fades away for a startling instant, and it is as if they were the only two in the vast space. Voices are hushed, the orchestra music diminishes, and there is only Serena in the calm. It is like that speech the young woman gave in the film Cameron made her watch; as if a separate dimension exists in this one and it can only be perceived by Serena and her. Their shared world of early morning drives through the fog on the way to work, the quietness of theatre, the laughter in bed, the incandescent happiness of being loved.  This universe composed of them exists here, unnoticed.

 

And it was time Bernie let other people notice.

 

She had never liked being seen. Not in all her days. An air of quiet efficiency was the Wolfe way, and it was also the way of the army. But it was not Serena’s way. Although she loathes gossip, Serena had never been ashamed of who she is. In fact, Serena had handled the whole “I’m attracted to other women?” debacle with little trouble, and had navigated the tumultuous waters of human sexuality much better than Bernie had. Years of training herself to not gaze at other women, to not feel the clenching of her heart when she becomes too near another, or when she is even embraced in a friendly gesture has weighed her down on her slow march to happiness. And frankly, she is ready to be happy, and ready to be seen. The realization dawns upon her like a swift sunrise, and the lightness fills her. Serena deserves better than a relationship in the shadows. Time to let go of the shackles of self-loathing. Time to be free.

 

The moment passes as Serena turns back towards her sea of admirers and Bernie breaths as the sounds of the ballroom fill her ears once more. “Right”, she declares turning towards Ric. “Apologies are best sought through action?” she confirms with Ric, who nods, a knowing smile growing on his face. “Well, Mr. Ric Griffin, I’ll have you know that I am a woman of action.”

 

“Of that, I have no doubt Ms. Wolfe” Ric grins.

 

“And any action woman worth her salt needs a plan” Bernie claims.

 

“A plan?” Ric asks flatly.

 

“Yes, a plan” Bernie answers. “And a good one.”

 

“A good plan” Ric repeats.  

 

“Yes” Bernie says, confidence slowly dissipating as the exchange continues.

 

“And you’ve got one?” Ric questions.

 

“Not as such” Bernie says hesitantly, looking once more into her wine glass.

 

“Ah” Ric utters.

 

“Hmm” Bernie hums.

 

Awkward silence consumes them as the conundrum becomes quite clear: Bernie needs a plan. Glancing around the room, her eyes settle on the various dinner tables peppered throughout the ballroom. Her eyes snag on the small folded pieces of delicate paper with elegantly written names. An idea forms. “I’ve got it” Bernie conspires.

 

“You do?” Ric asks surprised.

 

“Of course I do!” Bernie whispers furiously, frustrated with her comrade’s lack of confidence. Ric holds his hands up in mock surrender. Clearing her throat, Bernie murmurs “We will go and find Serena’s name card and switch it with whoever is sitting next to me. I’m at table three. Then, I will go to Serena and be my charming self. Understood?”

 

Ric nods seriously, looking like a soldier ready for battle.

 

“Good. Operation Switcheroo is a go.”

 

Ric guffaws “Operation swit-”?

 

“Go!” Bernie cuts him off and stalks towards the dinner tables in search of Serena’s name, leaving Ric and his giggles behind her. He quickly follows and after a few minutes, Ric signals he has found Serena’s name card. Conveniently, it was Ric himself who was originally seated next to Bernie, and the switch goes off smoothly.

 

Sighing with relief, Bernie turns and weaves her way through the crowd towards Serena. Reaching for a new glass of wine from a passing waiter, she gracefully takes the empty glass from Serena’s hand, and replaces it with the new one. Serena, slightly startled by Bernie’s sudden appearance, stops midsentence and turns to Bernie. They look at each other and the moment pierces Bernie’s soul. She smiles in greeting.

 

“Gentleman”, Serena starts with a mischievous glint in her eye, “this is my colleague and co-lead on AAU, Berenice Wolfe.”

 

Smiling, Bernie murmurs “Hello”, and stands close to Serena. The stance is not possessive in nature, but seeks to say _I am here, I am with you._ Throughout the idle conversation and pleasantries, Bernie stays close, listening earnestly and asking questions. She was never very good at this kind of thing, but Serena is in her element. Bernie takes the time to simply watch her, as she uses verbal acrobatics to spellbind her audience.

 

When the bell rings for dinner, Bernie guides Serena by the elbow to their table. “I’ve rectified the situation” she explains quietly, as they settle in next to one another. Serena says nothing, but smiles as Bernie squeezes her hand, the action done firmly above the table and not below.  Returning to the conversation, more talk of budgets and numbers fill the air. The stifling bureaucracy and administrative oversight had been almost nonexistent in the field and Bernie is not fluent in the language spoken tonight. However, she turns to the finely dressed older woman next to her and attempts a conversation.

 

Turns out, she is a pediatric surgeon at another hospital, but had come tonight in more of a social capacity than a work function. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, she leans towards Bernie and asks softly “Are you two…?” She gestures between Bernie and Serena, and eyes their still-linked hands on the table.

 

“Yes” Bernie says frankly, “We’re partners”.

 

Bernie waits for the raging terror and immense shame to take over, as she opens herself to the world for the first time on her own terms. It never comes. Instead, she feels Serena squeezing her fingers and her heart bursts with such warmth and joy that it almost brings her to tears. She feels safe, here amongst strangers, with Serena beside her.

 

Focusing once more on the older woman, she realizes with a start that the woman is smiling. Pushing back her perfectly coiffed silver hair, the woman says cheerfully “You know, my wife never wants to come to these things. It’s silly at our age, but she always feels this need to hide.”

 

Bernie smiles in understanding and confesses softly “I know the feeling”.

 

The rest of the evening passes in a warm haze of candlelight, wine, and Serena speaking softly into her ear. A member of some board or other speaks for a while, but Bernie takes little notice. Instead, she focuses on Serena and her hand in hers. She feels brave and remembers the time Serena called her fearless. It was said before all of this, and Bernie thinks how far she has come since then.

 

The night ends as it began, with Bernie and Serena in the back of a taxi. Serena shivers as Bernie places an exquisitely soft kiss on her neck. She whispers to Bernie “My darling”.  

 

“Yes?” Bernie responds.

 

“I appreciated your frankness this evening. With that woman at our table.”

 

“Anne. Her name is Anne. And I think we should have dinner with her and her wife sometime. I’ve got her number” Bernie murmurs into Serena’s neck.

 

Serena laughs. “You sat next to me all night and still managed to get another woman’s number.”

 

Bernie frowns and says seriously “I’m sorry it took me so long Serena. I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” Serena breaths.

 

“Yes”, Bernie confirms frankly. “I’m here.”

 

They fall into silence, looking out the window into the darkness. The city passes by, and the two remain close. Bernie continues to ghost soft kisses to Serena’s neck. “I could write sonnets about your neck”, she whispers reverently. Serena simply smiles. Despite the chill in the cool of the evening, Bernie feels warm, and loved, and seen.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The film Bernie is thinking about is Frances Ha.


	4. Drunkenness

Serena walks into the office she has shared with Bernie for five years, sits down at her desk, sets down her cup of tea, and sighs as she feels her body relax. A procedure had taken longer than expected and she had been standing for nearly four hours. The physical relief of sitting down seeps into her and she worries she may never rise again. She looks out the window and into the ward. It seems the night shift was going smoothly and notices only one patient has been admitted whilst she was in theatre. Sighing, she picks up her tea and boots up her computer to write some notes.

Serena pauses as the weariness catches up with her for a moment and she gazes at the flowers on her desk. Anne had told her all about how much time Bernie had spent picking out each individual plant. Apparently she and Bernie had scoured several florists around town and Bernie had frightened nearly every one of them as she flung her hands around and continuously referenced her pocket book “A Victorian Flower Dictionary: The Language of Flowers Companion.” In the end, she had come up with a beautiful and understated bouquet that was in fact appropriate for the office. It was given to celebrate their four year anniversary and Serena smiles as she looks at the ridiculously wonderful gift.

Anne and her wife Hannah had become dear friends to Bernie and Serena over the years. The women had been great sources of fun and the two couples had taken many weekend excursions together around the countryside and a walking holiday was planned for next summer. Serena shakes her head at the British cliché she has become and turns back to her computer.  

Almost immediately she is interrupted by Raf walking in. She smiles as he approaches and tilts her head as he leans down to whisper. Although not necessarily a rule, the night shift always carries with it this unspoken need to be softer. Consults and professional opinions are murmured at the nurses’ station, disputes are done in hushed voices, and the world itself seems muted. Serena secretly loves the night shift for this.

Tonight she is working alone, her co-lead notably absent from the desk across from hers. Cameron is getting married in a few months’ time and his stag do is tonight. Although it is not precisely traditional, Bernie is present at the festivities this evening. It seems she is there by popular demand, and is still considered a “ledge” around the hospital and amongst Cameron’s more rowdy friends. She is also an excellent wingman Serena understands. But it has just gone midnight and Serena knows Bernie will have most likely made a graceful and unnoticed exit by now. _She’s probably fast asleep on the couch in the sitting room,_ Serena thinks.

“We had a new admission while you were in theatre,” Raf whispers softly. Serena looks up and into his eyes and instantly catches his meaning.

“How bad?” she asks.

“Oh she’s fine. Quoting Shakespeare actually, although I didn’t recognize the sonnet,” Raf smiles, and Serena blushes at his words. “We put an IV in her and she’s got fluids going. Should be finished in about half an hour.”

“Thank you Raf,” she says meaningfully as she places a hand on his shoulder.

Serena slowly stands and the two leave the office as she heads over to unofficially assess this new patient. The curtains around the bay are closed and she opens the drapes and steps inside. The scrape of the curtain rails startle Bernie and she looks up quickly before smiling. Her face is flushed and her black shirt is unbuttoned nearly halfway and she looks utterly ravishing, if not a little drunk.  Serena crosses her arms in mock sternness and shakes her head. “We’re getting too old for this kind of thing you know.”

“Nonsense,” Bernie scoffs and grins as she slowly looks Serena up and down. Serena flushes at the look and against her better judgment moves forward until her left hip hits the side of the bed. Bernie takes advantage of the change in position and reaches for Serena’s left hand. She pulls it to her chest and maintains eye contact as she slowly pushes up the leopard print sleeve. The air in the bay grows thick and Serena’s breath turns ragged as Bernie kisses the inside of her wrist. She stops breathing altogether when Bernie’s tongue licks her pulse point and the sensation causes her eyes to slip shut.

“Bernie,” she warns with a whisper. “We are at work.” Bernie smiles at the entirely breathy and unconvincing sound of Serena’s voice and continues to kiss up her lover’s arm. She stops to murmur “You’re at work, I’m just a patient.”

Serena whimpers softly as Bernie finds a particularly sensitive spot on her forearm and her head drops lower when Bernie pulls her closer. “Aren’t you going to ask if I feel well cared for?” Bernie whispers.

“What?” Serena asks distractedly, as she finds herself entirely lost in the moment.

Her eyes fly open as she feels Bernie take hold of the stethoscope hanging from her shoulders. Bernie pulls her down and Serena moans before Bernie’s lips even make contact with her ear. The pulling has Serena nearly on top of Bernie in the bed but she cannot bring herself to move as Bernie’s teeth nibble on her earlobe. She turns to bury her face into Bernie’s shoulder as she groans and then gasps when she feels Bernie pinch her nipple through her shirt and bra. “When does your shift end?” Bernie whispers hotly into her ear.

Serena feels flushed and warm and does not answer for a moment as Bernie trails her tongue down her neck. “Five minutes ago,” she finally breaths. Bernie threads her fingers through the hair at the nape of Serena’s neck and gently forces her head back. Serena almost comes undone at the sensual assault as Bernie sucks on her pulse point.

Then Bernie stops abruptly and Serena feels as if she will die. “Take me home,” Bernie growls into her neck before sitting back. She looks almost dangerous and Serena nearly keels over at the pure want in Bernie’s eyes. She quickly gathers her things and helps Raf with the discharge paperwork, all while Bernie watches her with a nearly predatory look.

When they do get home Bernie has her again and again. They do not make it up the stairs and Serna wails against the wall as Bernie takes her from behind. She clenches down on her in their bed and shudders over and over. They wake again in the night, starving and desperate. Serena thinks it will never not be like this. They are both nearly 60 now, yet they still feel the urgency and raw desire take hold every time and Serena feels the weariness of the graveyard shift fade away as Bernie whispers how much she wants her, how beautiful she is, that she loves her.

She loves it when Bernie talks to her, says anything she wants and does not even think of holding back. Serena feels almost drunk with desire, and her sloppy kisses match Bernie’s own drunkenness. They fall back asleep a tangle of limbs and the sun greets them slowly and kindly. Serena wakes and in the silence thinks back to the flowers on her desk and kisses the shoulder of the woman who gave them to her. She remembers the time of politeness and how frightened she was that they would never come back to one another. She smiles as Bernie snores and burrows closer, letting the world wait for them a little while longer.

When Cameron does get married Bernie and Serena both cry at the ceremony and at the reception dance slowly with foreheads pressed together. They have never spoken of “forever” and always simply return to one another again and again at the end of each day. It is their own way of capturing eternity and it is enough for them. They drink a little too much and drunkenly giggle together in the corner and then again in the rear of the car on the way back to the hotel. Bernie asks her after the lights are out and the moonlight fills the room. She asks if Serena is happy, tells her to be frank with her. Does she need the whole marriage thing? Serena whispers “Only you, just you.”

They spend the rest of their days being kind to one another. Loving in simple ways and movements that weave together throughout the years like a dance. Bernie never leaves Serena again, and when they are apart it is as if a raging quiet surrounds them until they are returned once more. Their life stretches out before them and they always walk the path together.  

And thus they lived and loved, most happily, ever after.


End file.
